Hooked on Phonies
“I am honored to be here with Barack Obama.”
Hillary Clinton at Thursday's CNN debate in Austin, TX

What could sum up the state of politics in 2008 better than warfare over word ownership? Because, as the stupid convention has it, when one side uses a phrase in a glossy direct mail card, multi-million dollar TV ad buy or a rabble rousing speech, those words are co-opted, once and for all.

In fact, that's what a modern campaign is about. It's a race to lasso as many neologisms as your side can in the time provided. (Bass fishing for ugly people.) The contestants go at it like supermarket giveaway winners.

But it takes repetition and lots of it, in order for the gasbags to tell us how things look at every given moment. Perhaps that explains the ungodly amount of time and energy which both parties allocate to the process.

As Dubbya proved, new meanings for old words are also part of this scramble. 'Compassionate conservative' always struck me, as a phrase, like 'clean burning coal' or 'natural scent.' It's turned out to be a euphemism for some opposite form of conservatism.

Yet the mass media act like the candidates who engage in this hyper-marketing have allowed the people to fully vet them. They treat us as if that's the only way we could possibly make up our minds. Pause for a second and think about what it means for every major political function to have a session afterwards in the "spin" room.

Reductio ad cussedness. Rinse. Repeat.

John McCain will probably weather any storm which stems from the NetJet named "Monkey Business" story in the Times, though a thorough vetting of his activities and associations is now guaranteed. But more importantly, he is weeks ahead in establishing his bona fides (the aforementioned lassoing) at loving the country, protecting the American people, continuing the rightward careen of the Supreme Court and so forth, all the while not visibly relying on George W. Bush nor accidentally revealing the scars of their recent hip separation surgeries. (They concur: the surgery is working.)

McCain is one more crackpot who promises to do "whatever it takes" to protect America.

War hero, supposed patriot, I don't care. We've just been to that abyss.

Both Obama and Clinton say the exact same thing, but followed by "within the law." Unless the Republicans have co-opted the stuffing out of a mighty word like "law," the choice ought to be clear.

You can bet John McCain already has the services of the best social engineering firms money can buy. And he has an uphill enough battle without taking on defending Republican responsibility for this climate of endless war  and moral bankruptcy.

"My friends," he often says. It's a start. Nice to be friendly. But one-time secret details of KBR's and others' war profiteering are finally, after six or more years, clearing the court system in the form of official transcripts. Who would vote for a candidate who would keep those kinds of secrets even longer? McCain is one who, especially in matters military, can only offer up platitudes. Which is why he went out of his way to co-opt the word early.

Slightly less on message than this redefined McCain (who benefited from the shared hatred of the NY Times by both hard and flaccid rightists), the Democratic two have been playing tit for tat with some very low brow opposition research, all the while receiving bow shots from McCain's navy.

The Clintons say Obama lacks substance to his words, even if eloquent. Michelle Obama found out there is no benefit of no stinkin' doubt in this world of word ownership. And it has become an issue that some hold their hand over their heart during the Star Spangled Banner and some don't.

Chris Matthews says that the Clintonistas are "knee cappers."

Who else would concoct a speech about the opponent to be deliberately un-lofty so that it makes the case that eloquence alone is not the way to run for president? (Sure; load up on the wonking; is that the point?) Then, as joining him on a higher plateau at several debates proves worrisome to the handlers, when poll numbers slip and that sublime inevitability vaporizes faster than the contents of a crack pipe, by all means, go back to negatives.

Perhaps last week's closing in the polls by Obama, in Texas and elsewhere, is indicative of a level of citizen involvement not seen in recent presidential campaigns. Could it be we're not as hooked on phonies after all? Which, I suppose, is why Hillary's team has now co-opted "get real."

The pettiness of looking for a "gotcha" moment so desperately that some of Duval Patrick's words coming unattributed from Barack Obama's mouth seemed like a winning tack, resonates around the Internet. A Google News search for "plagiarism" will demonstrate. (Even though it all proved to be a victimless crime.)

And what could Obama say about Clinton's use of "fired up - ready to go" without appearing like a whiner? Thankfully, she was "hooked" by the UT crowd when she unveiled her "change you can Xerox" bit of pith.

(By the way, her strategists, funny thing, they actually are overpaid.)

The foaming right was able to join in mutual hatred of the old gray lady of Times Square. And while they all made the most of a supposed "hit job" or "drive-by" against a suddenly fellow conservative, some wove it into the kind of agitprop which should frighten the bejesus out of all of us, savvy reader.

This excerpt from Michael Savage's Thursday effort is remarkable. "Barack Hussein Obama. Father Muslim, grandfather Muslim. Nothing wrong with that. But we, the American people, being at war with radical Islam have a -- have a need to know just exactly what kind of Muslim he was exposed to, what kind of Muslim he is, what kind of Muslim teachings he's -- he's friendly to. We have a right to know if he's a so-called friendly Muslim or one who aspires to more radical teachings. That's something the media ought to be concerned about, not whether John McCain had an infatuation with a lobbyist 10 years ago."

John McCain's task is simple. Four or more years of "look over there, a bunny."

Barack Obama's task is even easier. Ignore the congenital idiots. Go ahead. Dream.

If that sets the plagiarism police into action, so be it.

By the way, while they're at it, they could look into "aeschylus schmaeschylus," "laddie in waiting," and "trot out a good number two."

Because, I own those words.

Next week: March Madness

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